World Cup: (2) Canada Squashes (10) Finland, 499-31

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TORONTO, ON — One bout after USA pulverized New Zealand by 462 points in their quarterfinal matchup, 2 seed Canada blasted 10 seed Finland by even more. Canada had 100 points in the first ten minutes, almost 300 points before halftime and fell a point short of 500 points total as they advanced to the semifinals with a 499-31 win.

Canada wasted no time pleasing the home crowd in this one as Iron Wench staked Canada to a 35-0 lead after one jam while Lil Mama, Jess Bandit, Eight Mean Wheeler and Semi Precious absolutely stuffed Finland’s offense. Wench’s Montreal teammate Georgia W. Tush also had her way with the scoreboard in the followup jam as Finland’s jammer Only was stifled by Smack Daddy, Bone Machine and Windigo, scoring a hefty 25-0. Luludemon finished the trifecta with 20-0, and it was 80-0 Canada after just 7 minutes. Keeping the numbers nice and round, Iron Wench started the rotation over with 20-0 that made it Canada 100, Finland 0 with 10 minutes gone in the game.

The underdog fans popped big as Finland jammer Page Disaster got lead on the fifth jam, but she was boxed on a back block before scoring and it was time for Tush to drop yet another massive score with 20-0. Finland finally got on the board on a 5-4 powerjam with about 15 minutes left in the first half.

That was the only offense Finland was able to muster for the first 20 minutes, though. They called their first timeout at 10:21, staring at a 179-4 disadvantage on the scoreboard, and would get a few more points for Doris in a 14-5 loss when Iron Wench was boxed as Canada’s jammer. One jam later, Canada’s total broke 200 when it was Wench on the powerjam, sailing behind effective offensive blocking from Bone Machine, Lil Mama and Hell ‘on Keller to go up 208-9. Finland scored only once more in the half on a bang-bang 2-0 to The Blizzard, and the opening 30 closed with Canada holding the biggest halftime advantage of the weekend at 278-11.

It didn’t take long for Canada to reach 300 in the second half, getting there at 306-14 two jams deep; a powerjam for Canada’s Windigo saw a Canadian pack of Smack Daddy, Eight Mean Wheeler, Beretta Lynch and Jess Bandit handcuffing the Finns and giving Windigo time to run up 25-0 to a new score of 331-14 with still 24 minutes to go. Canada’s total broke 400 with a quarter of the game still to play at 401-14, and Smack Daddy put up a 39-0 jam next to make it 440-14.

By that point the rest of the game was basically about whether Canada would manage to hit 500 points before time expired. Going into the last jam it was 484-24 with about 37 seconds left on the game clock, and it was Hell on Keller going for it in front of an increasingly raucous Canada crowd that clearly wanted the mark — but she’d cut track one point short of it, although her 15-7 did push Canada past USA for the biggest blowout of the weekend at 499-31.

Canada moves on to play 3 seed England in Sunday morning’s semifinals.

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