WCR Manic Attackers 179, MRD Unholy Rollers 72


MADISON, WI — In a early-season clash of local teams from Madison and Chicago, the Unholy Rollers faced off against the Windy City Rollers’ Manic Attackers on Saturday, January 14th — the 2012 debut of interleague action in Madison. Unfortunately for the Unholies, the most entertaining portion of the evening was their introduction. After that, the Manic Attackers dominated from the first jam, and cruised to a 179-72 win.
In keeping with the night’s theme of “Queens of the Damned,” the Unholies skated out not in their normal red and gold uniforms, but in the white T-shirts of Merlott’s bar from HBO’s “True Blood.”  Each skater wore her normal number, but everyone also wore the name “Sookie Smackhouse” on her uniform in honor of Anna Paquin’s vampire-loving waitress character. Announcer Octopushy met the challenge of finding thirteen different ways to say “Sookie Smackhouse,” and the rest of the announcing crew followed with an evening of biting puns.
Perhaps rostering only thirteen skaters was an unlucky chance for the Unholy Rollers.  The Manic Attackers struck hard and fast.  Zoe Trocious grabbed 14 points in the night’s first jam.  Ruth Enasia followed with 12 more, and four minutes into the bout, it was 26-0 for the visitors.  The Unholies finally managed to get their jammers through for their first pass, but rarely for the lead.  The Manic Attackers built their lead four points at a time for an 83-14 halftime lead. First half leads won went 17-3 in favor of Windy City.
The Unholy Rollers narrowed the leads won gap to 11-8 in the second half, but lost three of those to jammer penalties. Mack the Knife had the biggest score of the night for the Unholies with a 17-point power jam, but her own penalty at the end allowed the Manic Attackers to take back those points and more. The Unholies’ strongest team play came during Windy City power jams.  Although they did cede 47 points over seven power jams during the game, it could have been much worse.  Splatter Alice, Twisted Halo, Tango de Muerte, Kill Billie and Mack the Knife all played roles in shutting down potentially huge-scoring PJs.
Much of the night’s buzz was focused on the Attackers’ blocker Bork Bork Bork. One of the top newcomers to the game, the former rugby player lived up to her reputation as a formidable presence in the pack.  She played subtly with screening and release blocks, and not so subtly with crushing hits on both Goldie Mean and Kill Billie (the latter in the game’s last jam) after they had trapped out Windy City jammers.  Shrimp Trampy, one of the Unholy Rollers’ smallest players, got the best hit on Bork, and her respect, with a knockdown of her own in the first half.
Bork Bork Bork led all defensive players with 27 combined actions, including 5 knockdowns.  Mack the Knife, the leading scorer for the Unholy Rollers with 25 points, also led the defense with 21 actions.  Kill Billie added four jammer knockdowns, and Jon Benet Slamsey, skating for the last time with the Unholy Rollers, shined with five jammer force outs.
The Manic Attackers had five jammers in double figures. Zoe Trocious led the way big time with 82 points and Ruth Enasia added 39.  The Manic Attackers have yet to play in Windy City’s 2012 home season, and for their rookie Outlaw Ferrel, it was her first time with the jammer star and eight points for the evening.  Splatter Alice and Twisted Halo each had 19 points in addition to Mack the Knife’s 25.

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