BY DARRELL MAKI, HUBBY OF NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET RENNA GADE
United we slam….
Are you tired of all these prima donna athletes, complaining about their million-dollar contracts and media scrutiny?
Come to Manchester’s JFK Coliseum to see New Hampshire Roller Derby’s Season Opener Double Header this Saturday, April 12. Doors open at 4:30 p.m., first whistle at 5 p.m. Wear red to the bout and $1 will be donated to the Children’s Hospital at Dartmouth-Hitchchock, our featured charity for this bout!
Have you spent years living and dying on every play your team has made (or blown), only to watch your favorite player turn around and leave in the offseason?
And aren’t you disgusted how these guys never think twice to even play for an arch-rival (of all things!) when the opportunity and cash arises?
Well, do you know what the problem is?
It’s very simple, really.
You got into this for the purity of the competition.
You got into this to see athletes performing at the peak of their abilities.
You got into this to watch the best face off against the best, to see who would come out victorious.
And then you got turned off by all their contracts, needs, and drama.
Well have WE got a solution for you….
Ditch the glitz, ditch the glamour.
It’s time to kick some ass.
Say hello to the New Hampshire Roller Derby.
And leave your inhibitions at the door.
These ladies are here to show you exactly what pure competition is all about.
They practice late nights and weekends, in semi-abandoned concrete-and-steel buildings, places with names like ‘House of Hustle.’
Some of their team names are Misfits, Cherry Bombs, and Nightmares.
They workout at places such as the ‘Freak Factory.’
And they are Not. Afraid. Of. Pain.
Their jammers are faster than yours.
And for the uninitiated, the jammer is the one that gets to skate at top speed directly into the entirety of the opponents’ team.
And that opposition, in turn, is there to specifically stop her from getting through at all.
It’s a battle of will, not numbers, and it’s amazing how frequently the ‘one’ outperforms the ‘many.’
They are tough, they are quick, and when they are knocked down, they _always_ get back up.
But don’t trust me….come see for yourselves.
The original Fight Club may have taken place in basements, but these girls can be found at the JFK coliseum.
Grab a beer, grab a seat, and enjoy the show.
Come see a sport that is played by people who invest their own time and money into it, solely for the love of the game.
No soap operas, no side stories, no drama.
Just action. And lots of it.
This is a collective, functioning as a mission statement:
A non-profit league that believes bruises and scars are to be worn as badges of honor.
So think about *that* the next time Johnny Baseball goes on the IR for 4-6 weeks with a sore hamstring.
And welcome to the club.