Team Ice 276, Team Fire 129



December’s Coming Out Bout featured Maine Roller Derby’s newest skaters (along with a few old favorites to fill out the rosters) strutting their stuff at Happy Wheels, squaring off as Fire vs. Ice for a huge crowd. Most of the new skaters trained with Derby Lite before joining MRD, and all of them battled their way through MRD’s Fresh Meat training. This bout debuted MRD’s largest graduated Fresh Meat class ever, at a whopping 16 skaters; the talent on display was impressive.

Photo by: Micah C. Brown

 The first few jams were a little chaotic as the skaters worked out their jitters, but by jam number 3 things were in full swing. CHArlie CHAos (known on the streets as Cha Cha), jamming for team Ice, remembered how fast she is and managed to fly up the outside of the pack to score four points, giving Ice a lead they hung on to all night. In the next jam, the crowd met Frida Rockit, doggedly chasing the OJ out in front of the pack and keeping Fire from scoring. Claire Lee Nutz, on team Fire, would have none of it, and in the next jam she hit out Ice’s jammer just as she exited the pack, forcing her to call off the jam. Ice kept their momentum, and in jam 10 Hans Yolo cleared an outside lane for jammer Cha Cha, and which teammate Byte Size Bandit used to assist Cha Cha flying through her scoring pass to put Ice up 80-32.

Throughout the first half of the bout, some themes emerged. Jumpy McGee and Beth Salts, blocking for team fire, created nightmare walls for OJs (opposing jammers). Sketchy Lou Weasel, with her ten-foot-long legs, burst through packs as a jammer and cruised around the track. Buffy Pipes showed incredible tenacity jamming for Fire, and called her jams at critical moments. Teeny tiny PNut Envy, who stands at 4’11”, got so low she could sneak right through the pack while she jammed. Parks & Reckless, jamming for Fire, dodged giant hits to keep flying through the pack and racking up points. Veteran skaters Kirsten Damned and Nutritional Beast, jamming on opposite teams, demonstrated amazing speed and slippery footwork in all their jams – a huge asset to their teams.

At half time, there was only a 30-point spread: 104-74 with Ice in the lead. Both teams reminded themselves that this differential could be wiped out in one power jam. It was still anyone’s game. Fire started the second half true to their name and swept the first two jams, thanks to excellent defense by Jumpy McGee and Parks & Reckless, and ferocious jamming by PNut Envy. The score narrowed to 114-96 – an 18 point spread. Ice coach Bea Nimble called a time out to regroup, telling her team, “This is the most important jam of the game. We need to stop their momentum right now.” Sketchy Lou and Iris Kit went out to block for Ice, and did a perfect job forcing a track cut on Fire’s jammer and sending her to the box. However, between Jumpy McGee and veteran blocker T-Storm, Fire’s defense kept slowed, but did not stop, Ice’s jammer Emvincible. She still managed to score 15 points for Ice.

Photo by: Micah C. Brown

Nicki Knickers, jamming for Fire, started the next jam in the box but came in after about two seconds and got right to the front of the pack on an outside lane before Hans Yolo (Ice) knocked her out with an enormous hit to the sternum. Nicki popped right back up and kept fighting, but Ice gave her hell while their jammer Lolo made 5 scoring passes, pushing the score to 153-96.

In jam 6, Stella Moves pulled triple duty for Ice, drawing a track cut on Fire’s jammer and then holding two Fire blockers to the outside so that Sketchy Lou could jam on through for a grand slam. Stella was at it again in jam 10, walling up with Iris Kit to block Nutritional Beast (jamming for Fire). Half Pint Hellcat and Nicki Knickers were the lone blockers for Fire in that jam, and while they made incredible efforts to hold back jammer Frida Rockit, she found her way through.

We need to press pause on the game play here to zoom in on jam 13 of the second half. Perhaps you’ve heard of a skater named T-Storm. She’s played on the Port Authorities; she’s a seasoned Calamity Jane; she’s about 9 feet tall; and she’s a solid, brick house. When Ice heard she’d be on team Fire, they all melted a little bit. Get it? EMVINCIBLE KNOCKED HER OUT. T-Storm was jamming for Fire and made it through the pack, but Emvincible chased her out front and at turn 1 she landed a hit and knocked her to the outside. This is David and Goliath in real life. The crowd lost their collective mind.

Jam 14 was a turning point in the bout. Ice’s jammer Lolo ended up on a power jam, and cranked the score up to 262-119. With that kind of spread, both teams shifted their objectives: let’s just have fun and play some roller derby. In the next jam, with Frida Rockit jamming for Ice, her coach Bea Nimble started yelling “Snowflake! Snowflake!” Suddenly Frida passed the star to pivot Hans Yolo right as Parks burst out of the box and exploded through the pack. With no lead, the jam ran the full two minutes, leaving seven seconds on the clock – one jam left.

Photo by: Micah C. Brown

 Jumpy McGee, powerhouse blocker for Fire, went in as their jammer. Iris Kit tried to knock her down in the pack and just bounced right off. Jumpy earned lead status, but Ice’s Cha Cha was hot on her trail. Speedy Cha Cha caught right up to her, but Jumpy knocked her right down! Jumpy scored 3 points before calling the jam off, while Cha Cha snuck in 1 point, for a final score of 276-129 in favor of Ice.

This batch of fresh muscle showed incredible skating skills and passion for the game. Since this bout they have been training with MRD’s veteran skaters as members of their C-Team, the R.I.P. Tides, and have signed on veteran coaches Dubliner Broozes and Hard Dash, along with supercomputer bench manager Bobbi Brewer. This team is hyper-focused, driven, and hungry for blood. Stay tuned – the future Port Authorities are coming for you.



Team Ice: CHArlie CHAos (84)

Team Fire: Parks & Reckless (46)



Team Ice: CHArlie CHAos

Team Fire: Parks & Reckless


Team Ice Roster:

Byte Size Bandit | CHArlie CHAos | Emvincible | Frida Rockit | Hans Yolo | Iris Kit | Kirsten Damned | Lolo | Sketchy LouWeasel | Stella Moves


Team Fire Roster:

Beth Salts | Buffy Pipes | Clarie Lee Nutz | Half Pint Hellcat | Holly Go Lightning | Jumpy McGee | Nicki Nickers | Nutritional Beast | Parks & Reckless | PNut Envy | T-Storm

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