Preview: Team Bionic vs. LADD Tough Cookies


COLORADO SPRINGS, CO — This weekend in Colorado Springs, a intriguing new structure for a derby team has its maiden voyage as the newly formed banked-track crew Team Bionic hosts the Tough Cookies, a local team from the Los Angeles Derby Dolls. Team Bionic, formed by ex-Rocky Mountain star DeRanged, pulls together a wide collection of some of the biggest names in flat-track derby to represent Missile Mountain Roller Derby.

The concept of an irregular team of flat-track standouts playing banked is not entirely new — Team Legit, captained by Rat City’s Carmen Getsome, has played in annual banked-track tournament Battle on the Bank in each of the past three years and won it outright in 2011, and Team Awesome, headed up by Rollercon maven Ivanna S. Pankin, finished a narrow second in the first BOTB in 2008. However, the new Team Bionic is scheduled to play a much more robust schedule than any previous such superteams have done , including 12 games at home in Colorado Springs.

Like Team USA, Team Bionic’s roster is 28 skaters, larger than the traditional WFTDA team rosters, which are capped at 20, with 14 eligible to play on a single game’s roster. Asked about the roster size, Bionic member Helen Wheels said, “The roster is such that we can play ourselves Dark vs Light, if we choose to [or] punch the roster up in skill level to compete with advanced [teams]” and “adjust appropriately to play newer, lesser experienced leagues … We are not interested in huge lopsided blowout bouts. We are interested in playing some exciting, competitive derby and having the opportunity to participate on a roster of skaters we appreciate and respect.”

This weekend’s roster is half current or former skaters from Rocky Mountain (DeRanged, Psycho Babble, Amanda Jamitinya, She Who Cannot Be Named, Ecko, L’No and Juno It’ll Hurt), along with three from Tucson (Lindsey LoBlow, Helen Wheels and Elektra Highvoltage). Montreal’s Francey Pants, who was an explosive breakout on Team France’s roster at the 2011 World Cup, and Christy More Cowbell, from Odessa, TX’s relatively new Tall City, also make the trip to play. The roster is rounded out by two locally-based Missile Mountain players, Alde Pantzue and MC SLAMMA.

Major standouts on the larger 28 skater roster include Bonnie Thunders, Suzy Hotrod and OMG WTF from the 2011 WFTDA champs Gotham, Atomatrix, Fluffy Cloud (previously Tannibal Lector), Deadly Aim, Hockey Honey and Sassy from championship runner-ups Oly, Team USA captain Joy Collision from Charm City, Tracy Akers and Heather Juska (also both Team USA) from Denver, and veteran intimidator Krissy Krash (originally from LADD, currently with Angel City); none will be skating this weekend, though. Presumably some will participate on February 11 when Bionic plays against the L.A. Ri-Ettes in LA; this year’s Battle on the Bank tournament is in Seattle in June, but Bionic’s presence there has not yet been confirmed.

Bionic is named for Bionic bearings, a product of Atom Wheels; Atom Gear, owned by member Atomatrix, is an official sponsor of the team, along with Five Stride Skate Shop (owned by member Bonnie Thunders and OMG WTF) and Certifiable Derby Training (run by members DeRanged, Psycho Babble and Helen Wheels).

The Tough Cookies finished winless and 5th of 5 teams in the 2011 LADD / SDDD banked track season, but the roster they bring to Colorado Springs includes a number of standouts from the LA Ri-Ettes all-star team that narrowly defeated Rocky Mountain at December’s Chicago Invitational, notably Laguna Beyatch, Raven Seaward, Iron Maiven and Gori Spelling.

For more background on Team Bionic, check out Derby Deeds’ interview with DeRanged and Alde Pantzue.

LN0 L’No // 2ND Christy More Cowbell // Size 5 Alde Pantzue // 5 Lindsey LoBlow // 9 Amanda Jamitinya // 21 Psycho Babble // 24 Francey Pants // 27 DeRanged // 67 Helen Wheels // 88 She Who Cannot Be Named // 90 Elektra Highvoltage // 151 MC SLAMMA // 518 Juno It’ll Hurt // 1972 Ecko

OC Laguna Beyatch // w00t STEFCON 1 // 2 1/2 Fleetwood Smack // 19 Agata Chokabitchski // 22 Aggro Vader // 30:1 Suzy Snakeyes // 40 Iron Maiven // 45 Armed Kandy // 53 Raven Seaward // 90 Marina Del Rage // 300 Figg Lebowski // 1963 Skatum O’Neal // 90210 Gori Spelling

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