“Looking like a fool”: Our Embarrassing Derby Stories

Every rollergirl has stories about moments of personal strength, determination, and triumph… And then there are stories about looking dumb as hell. In honor of last week’s April Fool’s Day, we humbly present the following embarrassing stories.

Rebel Yellow:

I was just a rookie when I transferred to ARG from Charm City in Baltimore. I was a little shaky because I’d taken a month off to move – but I was determined to make a good impression. I was super stoked when I made a jammer takeout in my first scrimmage, until I heard everyone go OOOOOH. I looked down, and realized I’d just put my own jammer on the floor. Luckily, Bat is very forgiving!

Violent Beauregarde:

During one of the very first practices of my rookie year we were doing a big elaborate relay push race around both of the tracks at the practice facility. Everyone was divided up into 4 or 5 lines of players where one player from each group would race around the outside of both tracks and upon completing their lap the racer would push a new person from their own group to get them started.

When it was my turn I looked to make sure I knew who I would be pushing when I came around then hopped out in front of my teammate, got my push and raced off around the tracks. Coming around the corner I didn’t see my person to push, I tried to signal her but it was too late and she’d have to get started on her own.

Other skaters were whizzing by, pushing and getting pushed, so I thought, “Ooo, I better get out of the way.” I was still going pretty fast, so I veered off to the side and stopped JUST short of the wall. So close that I put a hand up, just in case, not noticing that my wrist guard caught the clothes line where all the pinnies (practice jerseys) hang. Resulting in me pulling the clothes line like a sling shot, sending dozens of pinnies straight up into the air, and raining down on me like confetti.


Hurtie Gertie:

During roll-out in my very first bout, my teammate Meanie RipHerton’s name was called; she skated to the front of the pack, where I was waiting for my name to be called. As she skated out to present herself to the crowd, the announcer called out “Hurtie Gertie!” I excitedly skated out of the pack to proudly present myself to the crowd, right into her fist as her arms ware extending in a victorious V. I was just punched in the face by my own teammate. Hoping to look cool, I just ended up looking like a fool.


This story is mostly embarassing for my coach – Marshal Art.

Shannihilator notes that she started wearing black tights after this incident. Photo: O-Jen Ishii Photography

Shannihilator notes that she started wearing black tights after this incident.
Photo: O-Jen Ishii Photography

The Sake Tuyas went to play in Jacksonville in 2013 against their B-Team, the River City Rat Pack. I had just returned from injury and apparently I was not appropriately practiced in packing for an away game. I had my uniform and skates and thought that was probably good enough. Turns out I was missing one important piece – my outer underwear. What? What is that? Well, you have your regular underwear, then your tights/pants/pantyhose, then your outer underwear – something that adds a little oomph to the occasion. Well, I forgot my outer underwear – a pair of red bloomers that matched our red dresses. Not to worry, everything else was covered.

Jacksonville televises their games, and during warm up, I fell and the TV guy noticed my nude colored pantyhose and didn’t think my actual underwear underneath was enough to please their family audience. He had to go ask my coach to find me some underwear or I wouldn’t be allowed to play. Then poor Marshal had to ask me where my outer underwear was, and he ended up having to buy me some from merch that said “tuff girl.” He’s a straight-laced engineering professor and I’m pretty sure buying a player underwear is one of the most embarrassing moments he’s had to live through!

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