Dames Flame, but D-Funk Reigns (Bout Recap)


From March 24, 2007
Masonic Temple, Detroit
D-Funk AllStars defeat Devil’s Night Dames to take move into first place in a rough and tumble shoot-out that shattered DDG scoring records.
Saturday’s bout, called the “Trial by Fire” by many, was a showcase of returning vets and a crop of up-and-comers. Also on their first time out were two new team managers (Dames’ former captain and defensive terror Fanny Pack, and D-Funk’s Howie Rollson) and two referees (Marv Illis and Candy Apple Ref) who donned the costumed stripes for the first time. Four new skaters made their debuts, and one of them was named as MVP- Devil’s Night Dames’ jammer/blocker Racer McChaseHer (#2.8 Racer, a transfer from the world of speed skating, broke the single-bout DDG record in her derby debut, tallying 75 points. She led all jammers in leads, taking lead jammer 9 of 15 times (64%), and also racked up 5 assists, 2 knockdowns (one explosive kd on D-Funk jammer Ima Wrecker in the third). Racer even came with her own outfitted cheering section! Dire Skates (5 points as a jammer) and Shear Terror (5 hits as a 8 blocks in 7 jams) skated hard their first time out. D-Funk All Stars rookie jammer/blocker Damsel Distresser was +10 in 9 jams, but did not skate as a jammer in her first time out. According to Howie Rollson, D-Funk’s new manager “We have so many great jammers, so we’re looking forward to her jamming against the 2006 Champs (Detroit Pistoffs)!” And jam those jammers did, to a 204 to 131 victory over the Dames. Each of scoring jammers, 5 in all, broke their old points records in record time. 2006 Jammer of the Year Vega Vendetta had 66 points in 9 jams, and 3 grand slams. Jammer of the Game Ima Wrecker had a stellar 61 points in 8 jams (7.625 points per jam), was +27 jamming, and had 6 grand slams and a knockdown. The AllStars assault was rounded out by Tinja and Cat’s Meow who both had 30 points, which was the highest scoring outing to date for both of them.

D-Funk captain Black Eyed Skeez added 16 points in 2 jams (both lead) was +14 jamming, in addition to a record setting +57 at pivot (+79 overall!), had 2 assists and 5 blocks earning her Offensive Blocker of the Game honors. Typically this award goes to a skater with the most assists, but when a skater’s team averages over three points in their favor every time she’s on the floor, you can guarantee she’s doing something right. Skeez was at the front of some great pack play, and could be found blocking lanes all night. D-Funker Juicy Contusion made her triumphant return skating to a +46 in 18 jams at blocker and pivot, with 4 assists. The leading assister for D-Funk was Elbow Derek who had 5 assists, 2 offensive blocks (5 total blocks), and 2 knockdowns. Also returning from injury was pivot Whiskey Soured who skated 40% of the bout with 4 assists and 6 blocks. The D-Funk AllStars clamped down on the Dames blockers and congested the track, causing Dames’ jammers to have to fight and claw through, as D-Funk’s had a much easier time.

The Devil’s Night Dames did manage to keep up the pace and never faltered when it came to effort and ferocity. Their blocking was tenacious, they had 120 blocks to the D-Funk’s 30, and the team was fired up till the end. When asked about the Dames’ offense (Tura Skatana had 7 offensive blocks and Lady MacDeath and Racer McChaseHer had 5 assists each). They struggled to close the scoring gap, but skated hard, scoring the highest ammount of points on the D-Funk AllStars in their season plus history. Dames jammer Rock Candy (who was named MVP of both Detroit travel team bouts at the ECE last weekend) managed 34 points in 10 jams. Summers Eve-L (8 points) started the bout in penalty trouble and stayed there for the entire bout, drawing 20 minor penalties and 5 trips to the box. On her rough and tumble performance Summers commented “I would like to be thought of as a cupcake with lots of penalty sprinkles on top!” Her hitting did earn her some solid defensive stats (24 blocks, second only to Tura) while blocking more than usual. Ever the hardcore skater, D-Funk AllStar Meg Phite (blocker) was called on 2 majors in only 5 jams. To some this would be a regrettable record, but it was evident in her mischievous smile on the way to the sin bin that Meg Phite loves doing what Meg Phite does.

The play of the D-Funk AllStars held the Dames jammers up well, but they still got through thanks to some fantastic pivoting by Tura Skatana who had 3 assists and 7 offensive blocks, and the rest of the firey pack skaters. Not only did she work her jammers through the tough sea of silver, Tura’s defensive showing was staggering, garnering 45 blocks for the game, a new single-player single-game record, skating 66%, making her the Defensive Blocker of the Game. Ever the class act, she credited the D-Funk girls for their skill and stability “I was engaging a lot, but I just couldn’t knock them (sic) down! They skated really well and really hard!” Dames captain Lady MacDeath skated well and changed things up playing back blocker more, and jamming once.

Look for the Dames next outing against the current #2 team, The Pistolwhippers (1-0) in May, and though they had a rocky start no one should take lightly the flame of the Dames! The hits continue on April 21st at the “Fight for the Might” (Masonic Temple Detroit,MI) when D-Funk skates against the defending champs, The Detroit Pistoffs (0-1) in a highly anticipated match, as it will be the first time that those two powerhouse teams face off. The Pistoffs are coming off a close loss (125-122) to the Pistolwhippers and looking to come back hard in defense of their title, but will be without 2006 Rookie of the Year Deadly Dose and blocker Rogue who are both out with injuries. Tickets available now at www.starticketsplus.com and all Michigan Meijer locations!

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